Teh Daily Squeak

Teh squeak c'est chic!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

 


**EXCLUSIVE!**
**Must Credit TEH SQUEAK REPORT**


10:24AM GST...ANOTHER debbie rogue soque blogue kaput...

10:32AM GST...debbie's blogue invaded by Gerbil Nation

10:48AM GST...Schlitz stock quadruples on news of debbie's pwnag3.

DEVELOPING

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

 
Gerbil Nation Blasts Debbie...Again

Teh Capitol, GN (Mar 27)--In a statement to Gerbil Nation,
"Thread Boy" Sulla offered a 400-word credo comparing
Miss Debbie's long-running stalkfest to Ms. Kathy Sierra's
plight, documented here.

"Freedom of speech–however distasteful and rude
the speech may be, is crucial," Ms. Sierra wrote. "But
when those words contain threats of harm or death,
they can destroy a life."

Sulla seconded Gerbil Nation's support of this distinction
--and flagged teh Nation's continuing effort to hold
Miss Debbie accountable for falling afoul of it: "Those
of us," he wrote, "who have been witnesses to...the Deb
Frisch...matter can certainly relate. It is one thing to insult.
It is another entirely to post that which constitutes an actual
threat to your health, life, or sanity."

"Such MUST be opposed - loudly, consistently, and persistently,"
Sulla added.

Duking It Out With Miss Debbie--In Technicolor!

YouJean, OR (Mar 27)--In other news, recently appointed
Min. Psyops Kirk Gerbil and X-LA Native both ventured onto
YouJean's poisoned soil to engage Miss Debbie in a bit of
conversation. Here is teh transcript:

Largen: So, Deb, in the cold, semi-sober light of morning, you
thought better of last night's postings? Too bad, as we screen-
capped them all, and have forwarded them to the legal rep-
resentatives of the aggrieved parties. The screen-caps will
serve as evidence in the ongoing legal action. Thanks for making
it sooo easy! Your Bestest Pal, Kirk.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Teh Deb: The [sic] screen-caps certainly will be evidence in the
ongoing legal battle--thanks for your help!

Largen: Snort--yer false bravado make me laugh! Dummy.
Your Bestest Pal, Kirk.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Teh Deb: don't you have a wife and two daughters? why don't
you have anything better to do with your time than tinkle on
my ankle?

Largen: Nope. I'm retired, so I've a couple of decades to see you
imprisoned and/or institutionalized. Dummy. Your Bestest Pal,
Kirk.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Teh Deb: Kirk, even if you are retired, the question remains as to
why you don't have anything better to do with your life than collaborate
with Mr. and Mrs. Jeff [redacted] and Mr. Paul F. [redacted], Esqure
in their increasing bizarre, counterproductive and soon to be very
costly harassment of me.

Largen: You libeled me online, repeatedly.What more reason do
I need?...Oh, and did I mention your (attempted) stalking of me?
Yer not very good at it, really, but intent is what counts in the
courts. Dummy. Yer Bestest Pal,Kirk

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

X-LA adds: I'm curious what communiqué instigated the
latest batch of postings that have since disappeared.You're quite
predictable, Debbie: Spew, review, delete. The last action always
too late. How does it feel to rant in a vacuum? Where you've only
two types of audience - those that document and those that litigate
against you. For some reason, I don't think that's what you've been
hoping for. It's also clear that try as you might, you cannot erase
the fact that you alone have brought about the loss of your job,
relationship, and reputation. The latter will take YEARS to rebuild,
if ever.It'd be easy to make a start: unplug the computer. Get a journal.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Monday, March 26, 2007

 
TEH-TV Announces New Episode of Series

Hollysqueak, CA (Mar 26)--In a surprise move, TEH-TV has
announced that it will pick up "Teh Crane Files" for a new
season. A new episode, which airs today, can be found here.

TEH-TV also announced the possibility of piloting a second
series, "The X(LA)-Files," which presents the story of a
red-haired FBI agent who investigates strange goings-on in
YouJean Oreygone, along with her canine sidekick, Fixed
Molder.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

 
Teh Week That Wuz... March 18-23

Miss Debbie served with a subpoena (Tuesday),
a further step towards her getting legally served.
Wurd.

Former Secretary of Defense Hosedragger is moving
to Kentucky (Wednesday)

Miss Debbie starts purging her McBlogs (Friday),
oblivious to Teh Gerbil's bestest buddy, "Control
Printscreen."

Saturday, March 17, 2007

 

WRONGNESS A-PLENTEH...
Gerbs Celebrate Fatwa's B-Day
Teh Wheel, GN (Mar 17)--Gerbils spent a festive day celebrating teh birthday of teh Nation's Minister of Propaganda, Fatwa Arbuckle!
Teh Squeak didn't want to miss a chance to wish our favorite propagandist a wonderful day!
Teh YAY™!



 
Debbie PWN3d AGAIN!
Gerbils Take Over McBlogs!







Thursday, March 15, 2007

 
DEBBIE = COURTORDERpwn3d!!!!

Gerbil Nation (Mar 14)--In a stunning move, Miss Debbie
has officially been COURTORDERpwn3d by Judge Crew of
Colorado!

"It's about effin' time!" cried GN Atty General Spokeswoman
Cruella Gerbil. "Debbie's been guilty of CRIMES for a long time
now!"

"Teh Gerbil Nation Justice Department has only three words for
Debbie," Ms. Gerbil added. "1) buh 2) bye and 3) STFU™!"

Gerbil Haikus Spark LOLlercoaster!!!

Teh Capitol, GN (Mar 15)--Gerbils strived at teh most recent
"Gerbil Haiku Slam" to slam Miss Debbie. Teh result was pure
pwnag3!!


Wednesday, March 14, 2007

 


**EXCLUSIVE!**
**Must Credit TEH SQUEAK REPORT**


4:34PM GST...debbie rogue soque blogue kaput...

5:01PM GST...replaced with new libelous blogue...

5:58PM GST..."Jimmy teh Meek" taking bets on when new blogue perishes.

DEVELOPING

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

 

Debbie Plays Lawbaw...

DEBBIE DOES HEHVARD!
Practices Her Wares in Moot Court

Cambweel, MA (Mar 13)--In an amusing demonstration, Miss Debbie presented her case before a trio of celebrated jurists at Hehvahd Law School's famed "Moot Court." Teh judges' comments on her performance were quite striking:

Justice David Boot'er: "Not since Wagner v. Miskin have I seen a pro se client run teh road to ruin so ravingly."

Justice John Paul Stehvens: "Move to strike teh defendant's drivel! Better yet, just strike teh defendant!!"

Judge Lief M. Clark: "Miss Debbie, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I've ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response was there anything that could even be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

Saturday, March 10, 2007

 

We see your future...



In today's Squeak, we begin a new column:
Future Shocker--Fortuneteller. . .

Dear Future Shocker:

I've been carrying on a relationship with "Saul" for a few months now. At first, he courted me with libel suits and restraining orders, but now he hardly ever calls or writes. . .

I've been trying to catch his eye again by writing to his colleagues, and calling various lawyers in his neighborhood. (After all, persistence is tres sexy, n'est-ce pas? :-)) So far, though, everyone is IGNORING me! I'm INFURIATED!

If only I could get a few things from him--bling, dinner, and conversation--I'd be a happy peep. Is that too much to ask?! What can I do?! --TehBee, YouJean.

Dear TehB: As I held your letter, its vibrations were overpowering (...so was its stench, but we won't go there).

Not to worry--all of your wishes will soon be coming TRUE!

Bling? What lady wouldn't want a little shiny on her extremities? In your case, I see quite a heavy bauble! Helpful hint: practice shuffling.

Dinner? Oh, yes! I see a very great dining experience in your future. Helpful hint: water is the chic beverage to have with soggy bologna.

Conversation? I see a lot of it for you! Actually, I see conversation toward and about you. . .Odd! I even see a woman named "Miranda" telling you to STFU™! Helpful hint: When a woman named "Marge" describes you as a "dish," she's not talking about gossip!

Yes, TehB, you have quite a future in store for you!


 
Nedra Still Lives!


Undisc Loc, GN (Mar 10)--Gerbils puzzled (and mourned) over the recent disappearance of Gerbil Nation's favorite blogger, Nedra. Independent witnesses have now confirmed the circumstances of Nedra's recent vanishing.


"Nedra Z and her anut have been relocated through teh GerbilNation Witness Protection Program," said a source. "Plans for this contingency were laid over the December holidays when Nedra and her anut were supposedly on vacation and/or moved....Nedra Z and her anut have
been given new identities and will carry on their work in other areas."


What occasioned this emergency relocation? Teh source speaks: "Nedra Z and her anut were undercover agents for Teh Animal Rights Force (ARF). They were investigating 'bad dog homes' in teh Eugene, Oregon area when their cover was blown by a mole in teh 'FREE KIVA' task group." Asked to identify teh mole, teh source would only provide a sketchy photo and a cryptic directive:

"Just follow teh smoke"

The outing required emergency evasive action to ensure a low profile. Thus teh Nedra Lives! blogspot was removed by Nedra Z. Despite teh disheartening turn of events, Nedra Z's anut recommended staying cheerful: "Nedra Z didn't die. Nedra Z lives on in the hearts of her many readers. "

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

 

Night Train on Rail to Heaven :'(

Ernest Gallo Dies; Winos Mourn

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Sid Crow, OR (Mar 7)--Ernest Gallo, co-founder of
E&J wineries, has died. He was 97.

News of teh passing of Night Train's co-distributor
hit lushes and winos particularly hard.

"He got me through many a cold night," drawled
Mr. H. Cup, a Sid Crow parkbench philosopher.
"If it weren't for this stuff, where would I be?"

Some Orreygone natives are planning private
memorial services of their own. "I usually drink
Schlitz™," said a patron of Youbegone Wine
and Spirits. "But, today, I'm gonna stock up on
Night Train™, and toast Mr. Gallo in an
appropriate manner."

The patron, who would only identify herself as
Dyslexic Bed, also shared how Mr. Gallo had
impacted her life. "Before Night Train, I was
just another P.O.'d commie-lib," she said. "But
Night Train gave me teh courage to act out on
my political leanings. I'm unemployed now, but
I'm sure Stephen Colbert will be calling any day."

Archives

September 2006   January 2007   February 2007   March 2007   April 2007   May 2007   June 2007   July 2007   December 2007   January 2008   February 2008   June 2008   July 2008   January 2009   February 2009   March 2009   April 2009   May 2009   June 2009   August 2009   September 2009   October 2009   January 2010   February 2010   March 2010   April 2010   May 2010   June 2010   July 2010   August 2010   September 2010   October 2010   November 2010   December 2010   February 2011   March 2011   April 2011   July 2011   October 2011   January 2012   May 2012   June 2012   July 2012   August 2012   September 2012   March 2014   April 2014   September 2014   February 2015   March 2015   April 2015   May 2015   June 2015   July 2015   August 2015   September 2015   November 2015   December 2015   October 2016   November 2016   December 2016   January 2017   February 2017  

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Subscribe to Posts [Atom]