Teh Daily Squeak

Teh squeak c'est chic!

Sunday, September 24, 2006


24 Hours Left: tic-tic-tic...

New Ministers Sworn In!
(Ole debbie's cursed out)

Teh Squeak House (Sept 24)--In a special Sunday
ceremony at Gerbil Chapel, a quartet of newly sealed
gerbils were inaugurated as Ministers of Gerbil Nation.

SBH received her long-coveted appointment as an
Ambassador to the Court of St. James. "I've gotta work
on my British accent, mate," the new Ambassador said.
"But I'm already bulking up on fish n' chips for the task."

Mariposa will fill a much-needed position as Minister of
Natural Resources. "I hope I can help preserve bandwidth,"
she said, "and it probably wouldn't hurt if we instituted an
avatar-recycling program. And there must be something
fuel-related we can do with all that poo which piles up during
hericanes. I'm thinking that, since deb-poo is WTF™-
fortified, then maybe we can start processing ethanol-type
fuel. We'll see."

As noted in Friday's Daily Squeak, Petrarchian Motif was
a ringer for the new Technology Minister. "We're gonna
have a lot of fun here, Joe n' me," he predicted. "We're
confident that the baud-rate enhancements we're perfecting
will translate to maximum pwnage for a certain WTF™
consumer in Eugenix, Oreygone. Teh-heh®."

Last, but not least, Fred the Genius was tapped to be the new
minister of (what else?) intehlligence. "I'm lovin' it!" he crowed.
"We already have a slogan to carve above the ministry doors:
'And ye shall know teh TEH, and teh TEH shall give ye teh

Editehrial: Hurrah for Automock 2.2!

Wheeling, WV (Sept 23)--In a surprise move, Founder
Sinner has instituted a new feature on Automock 2.2™:
the DebZone. In particular, the new Automock unit ensures
that some GN threads remain teh cray zee™-free.

In response to this announcement, we at Teh Squeak
put our paws together and squeaked, "Teh YAY™!"

Defense Ministry Announces Hot Line:
'Wheel Wire' Keeps Gerbils In Touch

The Pentacage (Sept 24)--Last Wednesday, Defense
Minister Hose Dragger announced the opening of
a new List-server: "The Gerbil Cage".

At first, Minster HD announced modest goals for the
List: "Not really sure what this can be used for," he said,
"except for e-mailing everyone all at once for anything."

Yet such an achievement is, in our humble opinion, a
great leap forward. At the very least, Min. HD's list
will be an indispensible resource in the event that, for
whatever reason, TSW.com falls off-line. The list also
has obvious use to help align Gerbil plans, and ensure
rapid--and secure--publication of any emergency news
of interest to GN.

For these reasons, and others, we applaud Min. Hose's
work to launch Teh Hot Line. Squeak!™

Bookies Announce Teh Odds for Monday

Las Gerbils, NV (Sept 24)--In anticipation of Miss
Debbie's appearance in court, Las Gerbils bookies are
posting odds for various contingencies...

The Betting Line
What Will Miss Debbie Do in Court Today?

Action (Odds)
Blame Everyone (1:1)
Blame Herself (1:100)

Go Cray Zee (1:5)
Drive her lawyer Cray Zee (1:2)

Have her bail revoked (1:6)
Claim to be teh “stoked!” (1:3)

Ask lawyer to have case dismissed (1:1)
Ask lawyer to borrow laptop to check TSW.com (1:100)

Condition of probation: Stay off-line (1:7)
Condition of probation: Apologize to TSW (1:50)
Condition of probation: Adopt a Muppet (1:500)

Arrive at court carrying documents (1:2)
Arrive at court carrying WTF™ (1:50)

Arrive at court with lawyer (1:2)
Arrive at court with Sinner (1:2000)

Demand a Batman-and-Robin avatar while testifying: 1:5

Accuse the judge of being a pedophile: 1:2

Blather triumphantly about how she'll make millions suing the city of Eugene: 1:6

Say something disgusting, then insist that it was actually said by Jeff Goldstein (who is a ventriloquist): 1:3

Gibber in terror every time a male looks at her, fearing that he might be Hosedragger: 1:1

Demand that the judge admit that the "count without the O" joke is funny: 1:4

See the error of her ways and apologize to all concerned: 1:5,000,000

Ave Novus Ordo Gerbilorum!

Excellent! :D
inspired :)
I'm so proud of my appointment as the Ambassador to the Court of St. James but I have to admit it's the American accent I'm working on!

Now that I'm a citizen of the United States of America I want to extend American Gerbilly Goodness to my friends and family in the United Kingdom and Ireland. They think we're nuts over here, you know! teh!!

Teh YAY!™

I'm half-Irish, y'know. :)
Please give my (half-)relatives
there a nice teh-hi, OK? :)
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