The Daily Squeak"What this Nation Needs is a Good Five-Squeak Cigar"--Denny Crane!Muppets Rally for SupportMillion-Soque-March Airs Grievances
Sin City, GN (Sept. 18)--"What do we want?!
Ebil Labertia [photo at left].
" echoed the Muppets.
"When do we want it?!
In a surprise move, almost a million members of the Soque
Muppet Anti-Intimidation Rally (SMAIR) descended on the
Nation's capitol to demand better benefits in Gerbil Nation.
"We helped found this country," said SMAIR spokesman
Ebil Labertia. "We were the ones who went on the dangerous
soque-muppet missions on the Deb-Be-Ginned Trail in
Poo-Flung. We took all the casualties! But would you know
it from our history books? No! All we get is a lousy three-
sentence footnote in the History Pages!"
"It's time for us soque-muppets to get the recognition
we deserve," Labertia demanded. "We answered the call
when Gerbil Nation needed us. And now, we just want
G.N. to answer the call for us."Trends: Pirates Find Smooth Sailing in Gerbil Nation
Pegleg, PA (Sept. 18)--"Yargh!" said Dred
Red BrendaK. "We come a'sailing here 'cause
we hear the seas are calm and the langauge
Immigration and Gerbilization Minister
C.M. Onin released figures showing a surprising influx in the
Pirate population Gerbil Nation. "They're an especially prominent
minority in GN's port-cities. They make their living by
manufacturing armaments (cannonballs, mostly), raising exotic
parrots, and enforcing private security on the high seas."
But can the Pirates assimilate to the culture of Gerbil Nation?
"Most of them don't speak a peep of Squeakish," complained
G. O'way. "They're always argh!
uing with each other. And
their parrots? I haven't heard language that rough since
Deb-2. I say the pirates need to learn our ways at GN;
otherwise, they can all take a long walk off a short plank!"Bye-Bye to Poo-Bys, Cops Hope
Wheeling, WV (Sept. 19)--Police reported a quiet night in
Gerbil Nation. "Only one or two Poo-Bys last night," said
Chief Don Ut. "I really hope we're at the end of them."
"We're improving our technology for dealinng with
Poo-Bys," said Cybercrimes head Gee K. Squeak. "Within
a few days, we'll be wheeling out the latest version of
Automock™. It's a dilly, I tell you!"
Squeak only had one worry about the latest Automock
unit: "We've seen an increase in LIPL cases since the last
version came out. I hope Mass Gerbil Hospital is ready
for another influx."