Teh Daily Squeak

Teh Daily Squeak™
"Squeaking Truth to Power since 2006!"

Gerbils Meet Deb-2 with Resolve, Courage

Gerbil Nation (Sept 17)-- "Tarnation!" cried Fatwa
Unbuckle, as he surveyed the damage. "What a
mess! Broken bottles, flooded cages, wood-shavings
all over the blessed place! It's gonna take us weeks
to clean this up!"

The category-4 Its-her!-icane, dubbed Deb-2 by
frisch-meteorologists, was the second storm to hit
Gerbil Nation in two days. Again, the Rapid Squeak
Force scurried about, their avatars loaded for bear.

Experts were divided over explaining the recent
vicious weather-patterns. "You again?!" shouted
Denny F. Crane, spokesman for NOAA, when
contacted by a Squeak-reporter. "Did I stutter teh
first time?! I already told you--hericanes obey a
simple rule: Glug! Hic! Teh cycle®! That's all
there is to it...or my name isn't Denny Crane!"

But some Frisch-scholars begged to differ. "Don't
get me wrong," said Mari Posa, professor of debonomics
at the University of Oreygone. "Denny's a swell guy,
but his Glug! Theory is a bit too simplistic for my tastes."

"You have to take a lot more factors into account," Posa
explained. "For instance, it's common knowledge that
the flapping of a liberal's gums in Vermont can cause
a batfrisch hericane in Oregon. We call it 'Teh Mariposa
Effect™" Capice?!"

While the hericane was, on the whole, a distasteful affair,
it also inspired moments of pure heroism. In a particularly
poignant scene, Defense Minister Hosedragger ascended
a pile of wood-shavings, and addressed his assembled
Squeak Force™.

When a few gerbils in back cried, "Squeak up! We can't
hear you!" the Defense Minister grabbed a nearby
bullhorn. "I can hear you!" he bellowed. "The Lane
County Prosecutor can hear you! And teh hericane
...that caused all of this batfrisch...is gonna hear from
all of us soon!"

The assembled gerbils gave Hosedragger a w00ting, hind-
leg standing ovation.

Sorbonne Opens New School for Deb-Studies

Paris (Sept 17)--The prestigious Sorbonne announced
yesterday the grand opening of a new school: the Sorbonne
teh Frische. "We call it STF U., for short," said Tweed E.
Squeake, chancellor of the new enterprise.

"In these harried times, gerbils began insisting on programs
in advanced Frische-studies. We hope STF U. can meet the
demand," said Squeake.

"We have programs tailored for all sorts of gerbils," Squeake
explained. "For busy gerbils, we offer a fast-track Master's
of More Foolery (Mo.Fo.) degree. More erudite gerbils,
though, can immerse themselves in a full 4-year program,
and receive, at the end of it, a Doctorate in Ergonomic
Phriche Understanding. We predict that the ePHu. D.
will become a must for every upwardly-mobile Gerbil
Nationer."

To illustrate the diversity of scholarship at STF U., Squeake
presented a list of disserations in progress in the ePHu. D
program:

• BrendaK, How Redheads Saved Gerbil Nation: A Revisionist Herstory
• S.P. Hawk, Avatar Aesthetics: Photoshopping for Fun & Cray Zee
• Mari Posa, How Butterflies Cause Batfrisch: Notes on the Mariposa Effect
• Wack Torrance, All Drink & No Work Make teh deb a Cray Zee Lay Dee
• Mme. Chell, Why Detente Failed: Deb Management for a New Century
• Hose Dragger, Gimmee a Hydrant and a Hose Long Enuff: A Plan to Drown Eugene