Teh Daily SqueakMorning Edition**Exclusive!**Front Lines: Teh War Behind Teh Scenes
Deb-Be-Ginned Trail (Sept 20)--They're brave.
They fight in places most gerbils have never heard
like the fabled Squeakinators of science-fiction, they
never stop. Ever. Until the enemy is pwned.
"Most gerbils wouldn't have the stomach to see what
down here," barked Col. Bill Squeagore,
clad in his cowboy cap and bandanna. "We're
operational in the hairiest of hairy Golem armpits. The
gerbils back home think they know what batfrisch is?!STFU, svp
! Spend a tour of duty out here, where you're
up to your belly in per diem
batfrisch, and then try
whining about the so-called 'hardships of wartime' in
While precise details of Squeaka Force ops are protected
under Gerbil Security directives, Col. Squeagore was able
to offer a rough guide. "What we do, first, is set up a soque
pup-tent, and try to draw enemy fire. If we get it, we call
in a pwn-strike, compliments of the Royal Pwn Force. If
there's silence, we just leave behind some message-mines
and move on."
The Squeaka Force's activities beg an obvious question:
are they legal? "I don't think so," said Pip Squeak of the
National Organization of Civil Liberties and Unconstitution-
ality (NO-CLU). "Tell me where in the Gerbil Constitution
it says anything about forward-basing the Squeak Force!"
To address this concern, a reporter for The Squeak
the GN Justice Department. "Da**it, you guys never stop,
do you?!" shouted Denny F. Crane, recently nominated for
the post of Attorney General. "I could care less what some
limp-squeaks from the en-oh-see-ell-you think! But if youmust
know, the Squeaka's legal cover is a special pawse of
the MA'AM Doctrine. MA'AM means 'maximally assured
absolute mockery,' right? Well, that's what the Squeaka
Force is doing: pointing and laughing."
Despite the legal debate, camaraderie and morale are high
among the Squeaka Force. "I tell you, these soldiers' valor
even surprises me, sometimes," said Col. Squeagore. "See
that little bunny over there? I was sure she'd wash out in
a few days, and hop along home. But then she sighted the
enemy at Pi-Flung, and raided the place, solo. Dang!"
Squeagore shook his head. "I say, her tail might be cotton,
but she has b*lls like church-bells. I put in for a medal for