Teh Daily Squeak

Teh squeak c'est chic!

Friday, September 15, 2006

 

TSW Roars Into Orbit; DHD signs off

Commies Infiltrate TSW;
Investigation In Order, Otta sez

TSW.com (Sept 15)--In an ominous turn of events,
several members of TSW have manifested suspicious
communist leanings.

In a move suggested by Ottavarima, several members
of TSW.com participated in the Political Compass test
hosted by http://www.politicalcompass.org.

For most members, the results were as expected:
BrendaK was in Margaret Thatcher's neighborhood;
Fatwa is an extreme anti-authoritarian with slight
Milton Friedman-leanings. Tesla cheerfully "hit
smack dab on Pope Benedict." Paddy O'Furnijure
proclaimed his results as "comfortably in the libertarian
right." And, in a reassuring move, Otta announced: "I'm
not quite an anarchist yet."

And then there were the oddballs: Chell and Minteh,
it turned out, were Gandhi-leaning commies.

"It's gotta be some kind of mistake!" Minteh wailed.
"I don't even read teh New Yorker!"

As for Chell, many members suggested that her test-
results were welcome news--she'd be a lock for any
future position as Minister of Peacemaking, for instance.

In a related story, several foreign-language posts to
TSW have heightened suspicious that espionage is
afoot. Kentucky Joe's talent for Russqueak ruffled
a bit of fur. "Wait a minute," cautioned Otta, "a commie
minister of intel and now we’ve got kjoe and brenda
speaking the ruskie? teh daily squeak’s gonna have
a field day with this!"

You bet, Otta, you bet!

In other news…there sure was a lot of movin’ activity
yesterday. So, in the housewarming spirit, I respectfully
submit:

10 Things Overheard at Teh TSW Move-in:

(1) “Does this avatar make me look fat?”

(2) “Silly Tim~he keeps forgetting teh semi-colon after
'& #153!'”

(3) “Hey! Those are *my* wood-shavings!”

(4) “I heard that (Defense Minister) hosedragger wants to
electrify the cages.”

(5) “Cute gerbil pic, Sinner! Did they remember to sign teh
release form?”

(6) “Did anyone file a change-of-addressform? Our jackboots
are being Fed-Exed”

(7) “Does WTF™ come in cage-bottles?”

(8) “Y’know who *I* wanna see in one ofthese exercise wheels?
Jane effin’ Fonda!”

(9) “Denny, could you step outside? Your cigar is giving me a
headache.”

(10) “Raise the alert level! I just saw…Richard Gere!”


Last DHDers Tidy Cage, Wax Poetic

DHD.com (Sept 14)--While wiping tables, drying
glasses, and sweeping sawdust, Ottavarima teared
up over "teh nostalgia," then did her best to keep
a stiff upper lip: "Root beer anyone?"

The stragglers accepted Otta's offer--but made
sure to spike their beverage with something
stronger. Inevitably, the mood (and teh drinks)
shifted toward poetry: "May your glass be ever full,"
rhapsodized Paddy,

May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven half an hour
before the devil knows you're dead.
God bless you and keep you, good gerbils.

SBH added a refrain of his own:

Our ship lies at harbor, she's ready to dock
I hope she's safe landed without any shock
If ever we should meet again by land or by sea
I will always remember your kindness to me.

Then he signed off: "Goodnight Gerbils."

Kentucky Joe then offered up a song of his own:

Well, pain in my head, bugs in my bed,
pants so old that they shine.
Out on the street, I tell the people I meet
to buy me a little bottle of wine.

Witnesses to the final hours said the mixture
of poetry and potables bested a Kennedy
campaign. So is it any surprise that Sulla,
himself, would mark the close of the DHD
chapter with a bit of rejiggered Tennyson:

In short there's simply not a more congenial spot
for Frischmas poet corners
that the kids call
Deb.a.lot.

And on that note, this chronicler cannot help but
echo Sulla's Tennyson with a botched bit of my
own:

Come, my friends
'tis not too late to seek a newer cage.
Push off, and running well on that squeaky wheel,
the gerbil burrows; for my purpose holds
To wheel into the sunset, ‘til I teh
.

Comments:
um. minister. does anyone know we've got a new squeak over here?

this is gold. pure comedy gold.
 
This is the only newspaper I read anymore.
 
Otta~~thanks very much :)

Rabbit~I'm teh honored :)

bashful squeak™
 
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