Teh Daily Squeak

PSYOPS DIRECTOR LARGEN FIRM
EXCLUSIVE INTEHRVIEW!!!11












Eugene (Mar 16)--According to terms of her sentehncing last week,
Little Miss Debbie is slated to square off with a head-shrinker as
early as Tuesday, and no later than March 31st.

As a result, we here at Teh Squeak grew curiouser and curiouser
over what teh shrinks might find hiding under teh rocks in Teh
Deb's head.

So we sat down with Secretary Largen Firm, Gerbil Nation's
Director of Psyops. Who better to handicap our mentally
handicapped Debster than teh man whose main job
it is to do battle in Teh Belly of Teh Batfrisch (so to
speak).

Teh Daily Squeak: So, Brother Largen, it's your job to know
what makes Little Debbie tick?

Sec. Largen Firm: [LOL] If you’re gonna liken Debbie to a
timepiece, she’s one that strikes thirteen every hour.

TDS: Or strikes pi?

LF: Exactly.

TDS: So if you were asked to profile our demented Phail.D.,
what might you say?

LF: Three main things come to mind. For starters, Teh Deb
doesn't understand how things interconnect outside her areas
of expertise. She characteristically underestimates or mis-
estimates what is going to happen in response to situation
and stimulation. She is a very "narrow" person, in other words.
Her estimates of events’ probability (both categorical and
conditional) are wildly out of whack with teh real world.

TDS: Do these “fails” in her knowledge-base show up
in her behavior?

LF: All the time! Look at what we learned from her
criminal trial: Deb claims she was in fear of bodily
harm when she assaulted her victim. So she pepper
sprayed her victim. Then what did she do? She locked
up the house, turned out the lights, and went to bed.

TDS: Yeah, that’s weird.

LF: Absolutely. I mean, most folks would have locked
the door, and called 911, in response to a trespasser
or assailant. But Deb never “gets it” when this obvious
fact is pointed out to her. She is blind to the logic in
that.

To put it clinically, you know how most people have
a “reality and morality monitor” in their prefrontal
cortex? Well, Debbie doesn’t.

TDS: You know, the medical writer Samuel Shem
has this joke in his book on psychiatrists, Mount
Misery. “We shrinks specialize in our own defects,”
he says. Maybe Frisch’s clanging lack of a “reality
circuit” is the reason why she studied decision theory
so intently in school? To maybe, I dunno, fill in that
gaping gap in her psyche?

LF: [LOL], sure. Could be. Frisch is, as the fine
psychologist Dan Ariely would say, "predictably
irrational."

TDS: Wow, teh "predictable" aspect of Teh Deb's
irrationality must make it easy to spoof her.

LF: Yep! Frisch is easier to pwn than a one-legged
man trying to kick a door down.

TDS: So she has serious disconnects from the real
world. It must leave her pretty flummoxed when
reality bites her on the [redact], no?

LF: A thousand times, yes! We see this in her blogs
all the time, and I’m sure it shows up in her behavior
in real life. When reality goes "off script"—the script
Debbie expects the world to obey—she becomes
confused, fails to think on her feet, and starts
dissembling by habit. This leads to a spiral of confusion,
and she starts to shut down. She becomes non-
responsive to direct questions. She also cannot integrate
her prior lies into her story; she then gets confused
when her obvious self-contradictions are pointed out.

Indeed, she manifests the famous slogan attributed to
Goebbels: “tell the lie enough times, and it becomes
the truth.”
.

TDS: The problem is, Debbie’s the only one who
believes her own lies. She’s endlessly perplexed that
she can’t convince the world of her distorted version
of Teh Truth.

LF: Disconnection from reality, by itself, is bad enough.
But Debbie has a second Achilles heel: her grossly
distorted sense of entitlement. She is slightly clever
with the very few things she does know, but thinks
she’s a genius. She expects total respect from everyone,
instantly—and she expects this respect even before
she’s given any evidence that she’s earned it. Entitled,
spoiled, narcissistic, all of those describe this characteristic.

TDS: So we have a narcissist with splits from reality.
Anything else?

LF: Yes. I guess we might count it as part of Debbie’s
narcissism. But it’s worth singling out by itself: Teh
Deb’s total lack of empathy. There's something about
how she refers to other people that makes the hair
on the back of my neck stand up. I can't put a finger
on it, but it is creepy, and frightening.

Remember when she victimized Jeff back in 2006?
She said he wasn’t “human” to her. Well, I think
that’s Debbie’s attitude toward pretty much
everyone.

TDS: Good point. Anyone with a whit of empathy
couldn’t bring themselves to do the nasty things
she does.

LF: Yeah. That’s exactly it.

TDS: So we have narcissism, lack of empathy, and
teh stoopid (i.e., disconnects from reality).

LF: That just about covers the main points. Of
course, you’d need a book to document how those
work in action.

TDS: A book…or a police report.

LF: LOL, that would be one long report!

TDS: Thank you for taking the time to tawk to
Teh Squeak, Brother Large.

LF: My pleasure.

TDS: Fight teh good fight.

LF [winks]: You know I always do.