Teh Daily Squeak

Eugene (March 11)--New details have emerged in accounts
of Miss Debbie's pwning in court on March 4.

A tricksy source on teh ground, who we've dubbed "Deep
Squeak," was in court teh day Frisch was convicted of her
drunken pepper-spray attack on an acquaintance.

It has been learned:

*Frisch wore an "ugly-ass blue pants suit, two
sizes too small" to teh trial....

*Frisch had failed...to sign a jury-waiver before
trial....

*Frisch was jumpy at trial, furtively calling someone on
her cell-phone at every break....

*Debbie was pwned on teh stand...."If you felt threatened,
why didn't you just call 911?" she was asked. Teh obvious
question left Frisch "red-faced, stammering, and
looking stoopid"...

Eyewitness testimony at trial produced further nuances
of teh fateful night of November 2nd:

*Debbie was drowning her limp lobes in hard liquor...

*Frisch was unable to find her car....When she found it,
she only drove 10 feet before accosted by teh po-po....

*Frisch attempted to bite her victim...

PSYOPS SECRETARY VOLUNTEERS TO
OVERSEE DEB FRISCH PROBATION!!1

Gerbil Nation (March 11)--In a late-breaking development,
Kirk I. Hays has volunteered to function as Deb Frisch's PO for the
duration of her parole...

"I heard Lane County might be low on funds for probation officers,"
said Hays. "I'm ready, willing, and able to help law enforcement in
any way."

There are rumors that Frisch faces a 30 day jail sentence for her
violent attack on an acquaintance, for which she was convicted, last
Wednesday. Earlier, she'd turned down an offer to serve 5 years of
probation (and a 5 day jail term); so any sentence tomorrow is bound
to carry a long-term probation sentence.

A vague rumor by a trusted source has also caught our interest here
at Teh Squeak. "Expect some serious legal drama tomorrow," said
the source.

Teh source refused to elaborate further.

FRISCH EMAIL SURFACES!!!
ON EVE OF SENTENCING, DEBBIE'S MOMMY MOURNS

Eugene (Mar 11)--In an email Frisch CC'd to much of teh Lane
County legal community, Debbie Frisch repeatedly libeled
everyone who is holding her accountable for her actions.

Frisch described various police, judges, etc., as "marginally
cognizant", "javelina[s]," "pathologically perjurous" and
"violently vindictive."

Frisch wrote that she is facing a possible 30-day jail
sentence.

But teh most intriguing passage in teh missive? "My parents
have been here since Sunday and my mother is worried that
I will be in jail on her birthday (March 15)," wrote Frisch,
"as a result of my allegedly misdemeanorous behavior on my
birthday [Nov 2nd]."

Well, Debbie, you can drop teh "allegedly." You're a convict
now!

Frisch ends her email on a maudlin note: "I guess I need to add
'buy mom a card and a cake' to my list of things to do today in
addition to 'stop mail, take Jeb to the kennel and kiss mom and
dad good-bye.'"

One wonders if Mommy Frisch would be so tearful, were she
to take a gander at Little Debbie's long record of libel, slander,
harassment and threats. Or Deb's unhinged temper tantrums
in public forums. Mommy Frisch might find Little Debbie's
"Cow F*cker" blog a good place to start.

Then again, perhaps we should spare Mommy Frisch any
trips down teh memory lane...